Pregnancy Notes

Why Practicing Yoga Isn’t the Same as Working Out for Fertility

January 18, 2024

In the last couple of months I’ve had conversations with many women who want to improve their hormonal health, and ask me about yoga for fertility and other tools that can help with that.  Amongst other things I’ve noticed that many women equate yoga to a ‘workout’ when it comes to their health.  Not only is this understanding incorrect, but it’s also misleading.  It makes women think they are doing all they can by way of physical movement, but it might be harming you more than helping you.

Don’t get me wrong, I love working out – I love running and barre class.  I’ve been working out consistently throughout my pregnancy, and making sure I get 10000 footsteps as often as I can.  But during my journey to conception I noticed a very different message coming through from my teachers and alternative healers.

They asked me to slow down and relax.  Calm down your system.  And to be honest, for me that conjured visions of a bunch of old people slouching on their meditation pillows and chanting.  I am more into mindfulness through movement – which is how I’ve carefully crafted my yoga practice over the years.

So when even my yoga teachers started putting me in lots of supine asanas, I started to wonder why the alternative healing community focused on slowing down, while the allopaths all wanted us to exercise and sweat it out.  How is yoga different from working out (and working out can be anything from swimming, to running to going to the gym, or a sport)?

Yoga vs Working Out

Practicing yoga for fertility was a journey of trial and error.

When I first started practicing yoga to boost my fertility, my teacher put me on an intense regime of 20-25 backbends a day.  And then one day she suddenly changed her approach – she kept me in supine asanas for almost half an hour.  This was a whole new world of yoga practice, and it was unsettling.

Soon I observed that I felt good post this slowed down (allegedly boring) slow yoga (sloga?).  It was palpable.  It was tangible.  I felt calm and balanced instead of stimulated and excited.

Which bring me to the first difference between yoga and exercise.

The change is internal, and you can feel it.

The parameters for a ‘good’ exercise session are usually external – that heady feeling post a quick run, bench pressing x amount, x footsteps in a day, and even the reduction of weight over a sustained period of time.  Yoga sessions designed with your internal chemistry in mind will initially not give you a heady rush.  The sense of well-being creeps up on you slowly, and sooner or later you’re bound to notice it.  The point is that this change originates from within you, but we keep looking for an outward confirmation.

But patience goes a long way – when this transformation finally happens (as it undoubtedly will), you will start to move and even glow differently.  Your connection with yourself will be stronger than ever.  This is what held me in good stead when I repeatedly denied ART methods of conception.

Works on your (fertility) hormones.

Everything we do has an impact on our hormonal health, either enhancing or harming it.  Even the face cream you use.

At unbalanced levels the cumulative stress on the body (physical, emotional etc) causes cortisol to be secreted.  The presence of cortisol for long periods of time makes our bodies think we are constantly in flight or fight mode.  This impacts your growth, digestion and reproductive system.

When we are not wired to see the benefit of stillness, we don’t know how much is too much exercise.  This pregnancy journey has taught me an appreciation for the balance that stillness and contemplation that only yoga can give.

Yoga changes your internal landscape.

A well-crafted yoga sequence is like an exquisitely baked cake – made by mixing together the perfect quantities of the finest ingredients, whipped and baked by the most talented culinary expert who artfully contours the icing with the most delicate strokes.

It cajoles and gently remonstrates your wayward glands effecting a change in your hormonal composition.  This is when and where the transformation begins.  The aftermath of my pregnancy yoga routine has been feelings of contentment, wholesomeness and even happiness.

Reduces stress.

Many of us have an erroneous understanding of how stress inhabits our system.  We believe stress to be temporary – often coming in the wake of tight deadlines or stifling family drama.  Stress is actually the physiological impact that results from such events, and its impact outlasts the event that caused it.  Much like pressure that builds up in a closed valve – the valve (your body) can take only a certain amount before it bursts.

Yoga slows down your body by first slowing down your mind.  Yoga for fertility encourages practitioners to spend a lot of time moving mindfully (and slowly) from one asana to another.  The movements become more intentional and mindful.  Soon this movement becomes the norm for the practitioner.

Instead of time being reduced to 30 second sprint intervals on a treadmill, a yogi’s body starts to expand to fill time and space.

Our approach to exercise is lop-sided.  The owner of a gym I used to teach in a few years ago advised me to design yoga routines that would have students crawling out of class in exhaustion.  According to him that was the key to a successful class.  Many of us believe that the more we sweat it out, the better it is for our body.  This mentality needs to change.  Slowing down enables us to explore bits and pieces of ourselves that require time and patience.  Once we shine a light on these ignored aspects of our Self – our entire being glows with a new understanding.  Going by what people have been telling me, this glow characterises my pregnancy.

That said, not all yoga classes focus on therapy – some are designed just to be a good sweat sesh (nothing wrong with that).  But if you are looking to amplify your fertility through yoga, then you need to look for an experienced teacher who can help you customise a routine that works for you.

I talk more about this in this video on YouTube.  Have a look.

A not so candid moment during our baby moon.

A not so candid moment during our baby moon.

 

 

Pregnancy Notes

The Doctor Who Ghosted Me

January 7, 2024

As many of you know, I’ve been largely disappointed by the medical fraternity (the allopathic one, that is) for my pregnancy.  I speak about my experiences in this video.  During my search for a compassionate and credible doctor, I tried “famous” doctors.  The strangest doctor was The Doctor Who Ghosted Me.

I feel women should be vocal about their fertility issues because during my journey I found friends, friends of friends and even people on Instagram were more than happy to volunteer information and contacts.   Instagram is where I heard about The Doctor Who Ghosted Me  – a friend’s friend had shared a ‘he saved my life’ kind of posts and I quickly got in touch to find out more.  Feeling a renewed sense of hope, I booked an appointment.  It was gratifying to see the crowded waiting room at the hospital.  It meant the doctor was in high demand.

The Doctor Who Ghosted Me

He came across as open, friendly and even compassionate, a welcome change from the other doctors I’d met.  He was uncharacteristically laid-back about IVF, saying he believes it to be physically, emotionally and financially draining.  It was refreshing to meet a doctor who wasn’t aggressively selling IVF, and I appreciated this fresh approach.  But when I told him my history of yoga practice, he said he’d heard that yoga helps but since he’s never met anyone it has actually helped, he can’t comment on it.  When I told him I’d done a few acupuncture sessions he said acupuncture didn’t work for his debilitating backache.

Before he took out his prescription pad he seemed to think, and looked up once again.  “You’re sure you don’t want to try IVF, correct?” he asked.  I nodded and said, “Yes.”

He wrote prescription detailing the steps we can take for more clarity on what is happening.  “And this is it,” he said.  “You don’t have to come in to see me again. Scan your reports and email them to me.  I will respond within an hour.”  It seemed to good to be true.

The next month I mailed him my report and got prompt replies from him.  Things looked good and we would monitor another cycle.  Month 2 came around and I emailed him my reports as usual.

“Attached is my scan from today.  Apparently there’s a new submucosal fibroid that hadn’t been detected before,” I wrote to him. “Is it something to worry about?  What are my next steps?”

“We had planned three cycles right?” he wrote back.

“Yes, I meant does this new finding change how we will proceed.  In terms of medication etc.,” I wrote back.

I never heard back from him.

Takeaways

  1. Someone else’s personal experience doesn’t foreshadow yours.  This doctor worked well for the girl who recommended him to me.  Since he’s known for hysterectomies, I wasn’t his usual patient profile and therefore not lucrative enough for him.  This is a sad but real fact.
  2. A doctor who makes you feel bad about asking questions, or doesn’t answer your questions is not a good doctor.  Not all doctors are created equal and you owe it to yourself to find the best you can.
  3. From the numerous women I’ve met, I know that most women aren’t doing their research (because of overwhelm, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy and incompetence etc), and this needs to change.  As women we need to do our research.  Much of what we hear is opinion or myth and the more you research the more you’ll be able to separate myth from fact.  I read books and research papers and listened to podcasts about many of the queries I had.  This helped to ask the right questions.    This also empowered me to gauge whether a doctor would actually work with me or was only interested his/her bottom line.

In retrospect I feel that this doctor was probably uncomfortable with a woman who was was forthright, informed, confident about her decisions and had ownership of her body and mind.  Maybe it’s easier for men to ghost such women, than to hold a conversation as equals with them.

Pregnancy Notes

Pelvic Girdle Pain (PGP) – A (Literal) Pain in the Ass

January 2, 2024

Prior to actually falling pregnant I never really understood pregnancy back pain.  About three months into my pregnancy I started feeling an unfamiliar pain whenever I turned over in bed, or slid off the bolsters after cross-bolster setubandha sarvangasana.  Basically, whenever my weight was unevenly supported by my pelvis.  This kind of pain is common and is referred to as Pelvic Girdle Pain (PGP) and also Pubic Symphysis Dysfunction (PSD).

About 2 in 5 women experience this pain, so it’s more common than we think.

This pain occurs in different areas of the pelvis, such as the groin, the buttocks (similar to sciatica), the thighs, the lower back, or the hips.  I sometimes even feel a clicking in my pelvic joints (even now, 6 months into the pregnancy).  But thankfully, I’ve been able to successfully manage the pain through regular yoga and conscious movement.

Source: https://thebackbone.co.uk/pelvic-girdle-pain-pgp/

Source: https://thebackbone.co.uk/pelvic-girdle-pain-pgp/

Causes

There are many causes for Pelvic Girdle Pain.  It can be related to previous injuries or even the natural structural build of a woman.  The weight of the growing baby also puts added strain on a woman’s pelvis, which can be a contributing factor.  Other factors are:

  1. The most common reason is the hormone relaxin which is released during pregnancy by the ovaries and the placenta.  This hormone loosens the muscles and ligaments and enable your pelvis to enlarge to let the baby to descend down and out of the vagina.  In short, relaxin makes labor and delivery easier.  The downside is that relaxin also affects other joints in the body, which are responsible for postural changes during pregnancy.  These can also lead to back pain, but can be managed with yoga therapy or the help of a good physiotherapist.
  2. An unstable pelvis.  This causes body weight to load one side of the body which puts repeated uneven stress on one side of the body.  This is why this pain can sometimes be felt after an active day.  If you’ve been able to identify what aggravates this pain, you should avoid it.  Ignoring the pain won’t help – the pain only gets worse.
  3. In some cases the position of the baby in-utero can also cause PGP.
  4. Weak core muscles.
  5. Tight muscles.
  6. Inflammation of the muscles and ligaments.

 

Yoga for PGP

Viparita Karani helps to relax and align the lower back. Make sure to use a bolster for extra comfort and width on the pelvis.

Viparita Karani helps to relax and align the lower back. Make sure to use a bolster for extra comfort and width for the pelvis.

 

Make sure to keep your legs wide to accommodate the growing belly.

Make sure to keep your legs wide to accommodate the growing belly.

 

You can give more support to your lower back using another bolster.

In the prenatal yoga classes I attended, my teacher taught me this variation – where you can give more support to your lower back using another bolster. It seems like a small and insignificant change – but on many days this variation felt extra soothing.

 

Widen your legs.

Widen your legs.

 

Supta padangushtasana B is wonderful to stabilise the pelvis.

Supta padangushtasana B is wonderful to stabilise the pelvis. Do it on both sides for about 2 minutes each, and don’t forget the bolster under the extended leg.  The height of the leg isn’t important – in fact, you might feel better if you reduce the angle between the legs.

 

Remedies/Precautions

  1. Early on I realised that demonstrating asanas in yoga class aggravated the pain because we often only demonstrate on one side.  Since then I’ve been very cautious about the kinds of asanas I demonstrate and often opt not to demonstrate at all, relying on oral instructions.
  2. I’ve moved two bolsters to my bedroom and now sleep with them between my knees.  (Also, it’s recommended to sleep on the left side, and I usually do this.)
  3. Although many women continue to lift heavy weights in the gym, or even lift and carry their toddlers or groceries – this puts uneven strain on your back.  Even for women who are used to heavy lifting – the added hormones and growing belly makes your back vulnerable.  For this reason I eliminated the tree pose and natrajasana from my practice.
  4. I also found that crossing my legs when sitting at my desk causes the pain, probably because of the uneven weight distribution.  So I consciously changed the way I sit.
  5. As much as possible sit in baddhakonasana, sukhasana or upavishta konasana with your back supported.
  6. During the prenatal yoga classes I attended, my teacher would remind me to not rush and move slowly, more consciously.  This really helps as it reduces the chances of something getting inadvertently tweaked.
  7. Icing reduces inflammation.
  8. Water based activities – like aqua yoga, aqua zumba, swimming or even just walking back and forth in the pool help a lot because it strengthens your muscles while supporting about 70% of your body weight.
  9. Rest it out.

Because there is no one reason for why this pain occurs, prevention is better than cure.  But, because pregnancy is also a game of hormones, it’s not always possible to prevent pelvic girdle pain, and you might need to just manage the symptoms.

Hope this helps!

Travels

Dev Deepawali – A Well Kept Secret

December 15, 2023

The bridges across the Ganges are also decked up for Dev Deepawali.

I wrote quite a few blogs about my trip to Varanasi last year.  I mention sailing the Ganges to look at the ghats, the Yogini temple, the magnificent Ganga aarti etc.  Last year I heard about Dev Deepawali – a local festival celebrated on a grand scale fifteen days after Diwali is celebrated across the country.  At the time I remember thinking I’d love to see that, and hopefully next year.

I forgot all about that until my sister in law asked me about my plans over dinner one night.  Within two days I had roped in another friend who roped in another … and soon the four of us were off to the oldest city in the world.

The Celebrations

Dev Deepawali can literally be translated as the ‘Diwali of the Gods’.  Although now Dev Deepawali has started gaining traction -it’s basically a local festival, celebrated only in Varanasi.  Women dress up in beautiful saris, apply henna on their hands and wear the prettiest jewellery.  The high point of the event is the lighting of the ghats with a million (not an exaggeration) diyas.  In addition to this, there is a magnificent sound and light show depicting the story of Dev Deepawali, that you can watch.  This year diplomats from 70 countries attended the celebrations.

The best way to experience Dev Deepawali is from a boat on the Ganges.  The Government of UP organises special cruises on the Ganges and tickets for these are exorbitant.  So exorbitant in fact that we didn’t bother checking the prices and decided to get a smaller row boat and split the cost between us.  We were 10 people and we split the Rs. 20000/- between us.  It’s a good idea to work out a deal with a boatman in advance because the boats sell out fast.

The Boat Ride

Once you’re on the boat you’re required to wear a lifejacket.  Police petrol the waters to make sure everyone is safe and that there are no accidents.  The ride is basically sailing from the first ghat to the last and observing the different decorations.  The entire Ganges had a festive vibe, and it’s truly unique – you won’t see the Ganges like that any other time of the year.  We spent about two hours on the boat, and there was never a dull moment.  It’s worth planning a trip tp Varanasi just to experience this festival.  Also, don’t miss the fireworks.

The Man Singh Observatory

Another place that had a superb sound and light show is the Man Singh Observatory on the Man Singh Ghat.  The observatory was constructed by Raja Man Singh of Rajasthan and contains various types of compasses to measure the position of the planets and stars.  These measurements were used to tell time and to make the lunar and solar calendars.  Today these compasses make for interesting photo ops.

The Observatory was also a palace, and its first floor is now a museum cum exhibition space.  There are interactive exhibits about different aspects of Varanasi, such as the art, the folk dances, the weaving and the architecture.  Certainly makes for an interesting afternoon.

The main hall on the first floor (which is humongous), has been converted into the sound and light show theatre.  The show is only about 15 minutes long and shows how the Ganges came to Varanasi.  However, it’s only in Hindi, so difficult to understand for non-Hindi speakers.  But I would still recommend it for it’s amazing picture quality.

The Kashi Vishwanath Temple

No trip to Varanasi is complete without a darshan of the Kashi Vishwanath Temple.  This historic (and controversial) temple draws thousands of pilgrims every year and it’s particularly crowded on the Dev Deepawali weekend.  The temple is significant because it’s one of the twelve jyotirlingas, places where it is believed Shiva appeared as a long fiery pillar of light.  This legend makes the jyotirlingas special, and contributes to the energy that is palpable here.  There are long lines for the darshan, but a ticket can be booked online, and this might reduce the wait time.  If you go early morning, you’re less likely to run into the surging crowds.

A Walking Tour

The ghats of Varanasi can be explored on foot and lately many people have started offering walking tours.  This is a fabulous way to explore the ghat area, and if you find a good and knowledgeable guide, you can learn a lot about the history and legends associated with the oldest city in the world.  Our tour took us through the ghats, on a boat to the Alamgiri Mosque to the bylanes of Varanasi and finally to a great lassi and malayyo stall.

Alamgiri Mosque

Travels

A Fortuitous Meeting with the Hugging Amma

October 28, 2023

 

Amritapuri Ashram

A view of Amritapuri Ashram from the 9th floor of the residential building. You can see the Kali temple on the left and the ocean in the horizon.

Over a long brunch last Sunday my friend Sowmya told me she was heading to Trivandrum to meet her guru.  “Who’s your guru?” I asked her.  “Amritanandi Maa,” she said, as though to have the world famous Hugging Amma as your guru is the most natural thing possible.

Decades ago I read a fun and entertaining book called Holy Cow, where I first came across the Hugging Amma.  I didn’t think then that one day I’d actually get a chance to meet the saint.  I rescheduled/cancelled a bunch of classes and on a sunny Wednesday afternoon Sowmya and I were on our way to Amritapuri.  The countryside was lush and the glimpses of the ocean made the journey enjoyable.

Amritapuri Ashram – What to Expect

The Amritapuri Ashram is built at the birthplace of Amritanandi Maa.  When she had the means she decided that her ashram should be near the backwaters where she spent her childhood.  She also wanted to use her increasing popularity to uplift the people of her hometown.

The Ashram has several gates – all very easy to miss when you’re driving.  The best way to find the ashram is to ask a local – almost every local knows where it is.  Once you find parking head over to the reception.  You’ll be given detailed forms to fill.  As with all other ashrams in India, these forms are shared with the police for security reasons.  As an Indian I didn’t need any passport and visa details, but foreigners have to list out all their previous trips to India along with a bunch of other details.

Once you submit your form you’ll be allotted a room.  We went back and forth a few times until we found ourselves in a clean room with a much needed and appreciated AC.  There are two or three canteens on the premises as well, but they run on specific timings.  Sowmya and I drove to a small local joint next to the ashram for some dosas, appams and Malabar parottas.

We were there only for a night, but during that time we saw:

  1. The Kali temple – a huge temple in the centre of the ashram.  We could can see the spires of this temple rising up and out of the trees from our room on the 15th floor of the residential building.
  2. The gowshala.
  3. The beach – the ashram has it’s own stretch of the beach.  However, the entire beach is a rocky beach and you’re not allowed to go into the water.
  4. The daily evening program.

No photography is allowed in the ashram.

The Daily Evening Program

We were lucky that Amritanandi Maa was in the ashram the day we visited.  Because of her various philanthropic activities she spends a lot of time in different states in India and considerable time abroad.  Luckily because of her close association with Amritanandi Maa, Sowmya knew she would be in residence.

I had done a bit of research prior to the trip.  Amritanandi Maa believes in selfless love and compassion towards all and gives hugs to spread this love.  It’s believed she has hugged more than 32 million people around the world, and that’s why she’s known as the Hugging Amma.

Every evening the ashram has the same routine – a sermon by a devotee, followed by bhajans and kirtans.  This can go on for half an hour or into the wee hours of the morning, depending on Amma’s mood.  After this all the attendees eligible for a hug get in line for a hugging token.  If you live in the ashram you’re eligible only once a month or so.  Visitors are eligible only once during their entire stay.  We were lucky to get one of the first few tokens and were pushed ahead in the line.  It took us less than twenty minutes to meet Amma.

Meeting the Hugging Amma

There is a quality of peace around Amritanandi Maa.  Although she’s constantly surrounded by devotees and helpers she is unruffled as she focuses on the person who has come for darshan.  We were told that she doesn’t speak English or Hindi very well, so if there was something we wanted to convey one of the helpers would do so.  “Amma doesn’t like pregnant women kneeling down on the floor,” one of the helpers told me, “So you’ll be sitting on a stool.”

As we got closer to Amma I observed the deep reverence everyone has for her.  People had come from far and wide and were looking up at her with expressions of pure love, trust and belief.  With so many devotees waiting for their turn on stage and so many more in the audience, there was no frenzy in the whole process.  I felt a strange sense of blankness.

What do you say to a saint revered for her powers and healing abilities?  If you’re only meeting her once in your lifetime – what do you ask or say to her?

I didn’t have to be so worried.  The moment I sat in front of her and said ‘Namaste’, she wrapped me in her arms and started rocking me back and forth, saying something three times in Malayalam in my ear.  Unlike the brief, fleeting, barely-there hugs I had read about, mine was long and I remember gradually relaxing into her embrace.  When she let me go she looked at me with her open and friendly smile and passed her hand over my belly.

I have come to the conclusion that when you meet a saint of this stature it’s important to live the moment, instead of becoming anxious about what to ask for.  When she released me from the embrace I had a strange sense of peace and stillness.

The prasad consisted of a packet of chocolate chip biscuits, a small 5-star chocolate and a candy.

 

At the Lalith Kala Akademi of Art in Trivandrum.

While in Trivandrum we had the opportunity of looking at some art work by the renowned artists Suresh K Nair. His latest work deals with his interpretation of the yoginis. The exhibition was at the Lalith Kala Akademi of Art.

A few years ago I visited the Isha Yoga Ashram.  You can read my experience here.

Books

7 Books to Read if You’re Headed to Vietnam

October 4, 2023
Book Street Hanoi

One of my favorite pictures from Vietnam. Not only for its colors and huge red heart – but also because it’s at the Book Street in Hanoi – a surprise discovery we made while walking around the city.

1. Faith of my Fathers by John McCain

Growing up the only thing I knew about Vietnam was the Vietnam War.  ‘Faith of my Fathers’, is about a soldier’s first hand experience as a PoW.  The book is an autobiography and the first half is about John McCain’s father and grandfather – both highly decorated officers in the US armed forces.  The book is well-written, but I’m not particularly interested in the US army and how it functions so the first half of the book was a bit dull for me.  It gets more interesting when McCain writes about the 6 long years as a PoW in the Hanoi Hilton.  The horrors he recounts make me recoil – and I feel the larger message of the book is about the strength of the human spirit and the value of courage and dignity.  McCain spends a lot of time making fun of his Vietnamese jailers and Ho Chi Minh, and a lot of time glorifying America – I think it’s justified and it in no way detracts from the book.

“…For I have learned the truth: there are greater pursuits than self-seeking.  Glory is not a conceit.  It is not a decoration for valor.  It is not a prize for being the most clever, the strongest, or the boldest.  Glory belongs to the act of being constant to something greater than yourself, to a cause, to your principles, to the people on whom you rely, and who rely on you in return.  No misfortune, no injury, no humiliation can destroy it.”

 

2. The Sorrow of War by Bao Ninh

“If a cluster of napalm bombs were dropped, the jungle would turn into a sea of fire. Can you imagine a sea of fire?”

Bao Ninh joined the Vietnamese army at the age of 17.  He served in the Glorious 27th Youth Brigade.  In 1969 he joined the Vietnamese war against the Americans, and of the five hundred soldiers who went to war, Bao Ninh was one of the ten who survived.  ‘The Sorrow of War‘ is based on his experience of the war and was initially banned in Vietnam.  It contextualised history that was until now only facts and figures for me.  More than that, this book is about what happens when people are denied basic rights, and the cost of freedom.  The book is hard hitting, honest, brutal, depressing and frightening.  And I can’t recommend it enough.

 

3. Hanoi, adieu by Mandaley Perkins

It’s easy to find books about the Vietnam War (or the American War as it’s called in Vietnam), but it’s hard to come across books about the French colonial part of Vietnamese history.  This book bridges that gap.  It follows the coming of age of Michel L’Herpiniere (the writer’s grandfather) in French Indo-China.  Michel grows up in the rich and privileged French community of Vietnam and lived through the downfall of the French Empire.  He enlists in the army as a young man and fights in the various skirmishes and uprisings that occur during the last few year of the French rule in Vietnam.  The story is alive with descriptions of Hanoi in the 40s, such as the markets and bazaars, daily life for the French and the Vietnamese, Michel’s deep friendship with the Vietnamese and French alike, along with his deep understanding of both cultures.  There are several themes that I found fascinating, the main one being that of identity and how the places we grow up in and call home form our identity, sometimes even more than our nationalities do.  The book covers the period between September 1940 to May 1954, which is when the French finally withdrew from Vietnam.  Because we hardly study Vietnamese history in school, what really helped me put the history in context was thinking in terms of what was happening in India during this time.

If you’re traveling to Hanoi you should definitely read this book for it’s vivid descriptions of the Old Quarter – which is where we stayed while in Hanoi.  When I look through photos my photos of Hanoi now, I don’t think only of what I saw and experienced, but also the rich, varied and decidedly bloody history of this quaint country.

I often go to local bookshops when I’m traveling to a new place to hunt for books by local authors.  Vietnam has a vibrant culture of literature (Hanoi even has a Temple of Literature!) and a Book Street (a serendipitous find).  While looking for a stall selling books in English we ran into a young book lover who told us he’s attended a lecture by Bao Ninh and then told us to head over to the Bookworm where we would have better luck finding books in English.  Sure enough, I found ‘Hanoi, adieu’ in their well-stocked racks.

Always happy exploring bookstores.

 

Temple of Literature Hanoi

At the temple of Literature in Hanoi, also known as the Confucius Temple.

4. In Country by Bobbie Ann Mason

‘In Country’ looks at what happened to American soldiers after their return from Vietnam.  It’s an honest look from the point of a view of a young girl called Samantha Hughes, whose father dies in the Vietnam War.  She’s trying to piece together what happened to him in Vietnam – and she’s just not satisfied with what she hears from others.  Her uncle Emmett has also been in the war and its changed him and all his friends.  The depiction of veterans and their struggle is raw and visceral.  In Ho Chi Minh City we spent some time at the War Remnants Museum and saw the destruction from the Vietnamese point of view.  Through ‘In Country’ we see that no one is spared the horrors of war.

This is another book I bought at the Book Worm bookstore in Hanoi.  I’m looking forward to watching the movie – unfortunately I haven’t found it on any of the streaming platforms in India.

 

 

5. She is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran

Horror is my favorite genre and this book didn’t disappoint.  This is Tran’s debut novel, and I think the reason it’s so well written is because the author herself enjoys the horror genre.  The main character is a Vietnamese American girl and Tran undoubtedly uses her personal experiences to bring the character to life.

I will say though that it helps to be familiar with the landscape of Vietnam and a little of its history to really connect to the book.  A little familiarity with the Vietnamese culture would also help.  That said, I really liked the writing.  This is one living, breathing, pulsating book.  It has all the elements of the classic gothic novel and the rich, florid descriptions of man vs nature gives it a Guillermo Del Toro-ish feel.  I also appreciated that this book referred to the French colonial history of Vietnam, which is relatively lesser known but also very interesting.

 

6. The House on Dream Street by Dana Sachs

This book is set in 1992 and is a sort of travelogue.  Dana Sachs lived in Vietnam on Dream Street in 1992 for six months.  This book chronicles her time trying to learn the language, make friends, eke out a living, fall recklessly in love and realise just how crazy that was and quickly fall out of love.  Although the book is well written and interesting, I found it  superficial at times.  I felt that for someone claiming to be in love and deeply interested in a country and its culture – the author seemed to at times look down on the culture and even come across as ignorant.  I think direct comparisons between her life in the US and life in Vietnam, or comparisons between the American thought process and the Vietnamese thought process happened a bit too much – maybe she was trying to contextualise her experience for American readers, but explaining the same thing without using comparison would have made her sound more well informed.  Also – the part where she visualises herself marrying the motorcycle mechanic she is in love with and actually living in his makeshift hut with the rest of his family was exasperating.  I think readers from South East Asian countries would understand why I was rolling my eyes during that bit.

 

7. Prison Diary by Ho Chi Minh

I bought this book at the gift shop in the Hỏa Lò Prison (the Hanoi Hilton).  It’s  published by The GIOI Publishers (of Hanoi) and is a collection of poetry by Ho Chi Minh.  The poetry was originally written in Chinese and has been translated into Vietnamese and English (all the translations are in the book).  It’s said that history is written by the victors.  But with access to information like never before, we have the luxury of exploring different sides of an issue.  Was Ho Chi Minh a despot who would use any and all means at his disposal to get what he wanted?  Or was he a patriot who sacrificed everything he had for a free and independent Vietnam?  This book gives an intimate insight into a man considered one of the greatest leaders of the 20th century.  This collection contains poetry on his observation about the human condition, his beliefs about freedom and nationhood and also his experiences as a prisoner in various Chinese jails.

Thinking of a Friend

That day you went with me to the edge of the river.

“When will you be back?” – “When you see the rice ripen.”

But now that the fields have been ploughed for the next season,

In a foreign land I still remain a prisoner.

Hoa Lo - The Hanoi Hilton

Animesh claims I spent 5 hours here with the audio guide. I’d have to disagree (at least it didn’t feel that long).

 

It’s great to research travel blogs and forums whenever you’re about to travel to a new country.  But I find reading books about the place gives you a deeper understanding and contextualises the country a lot more for travellers.

Travels

Goa, Off the Beaten Track

September 23, 2023
Koti Tirth Tali

Koti Tirth Tali. There are supposed to be 108 niches carved in the walls.

I’ve been to Goa so many times I feel I should be awarded a honorary PhD on it. Goa exists in our collective psyche as the ultimate vacation destination – a coming of age for young people, an exciting place to have your bachelorette or long awaited girls’ trip and an opportunity to gaze at the vast blue sea for those of us landlocked.

Things changed a bit during the pandemic when everyone decided to work from Goa. In fact, we contemplated it too and found ourselves in Goa scouting for viable villas to move into. That’s a story for another blog. Suffice it to say that because tourism to Goa is an unprecedented high, travellers now look for activities off the beaten track. My last trip to Goa was certainly that.

We formed an assorted mix of four – my mother in law, her sister, a dear friend of her’s, and me. We were game for an adventure.

Divar & Chorão Island

The first day we decided to go to Divar Island. The Mandovi River around Goa is home to many islands, all of which have and mangrove forests, churches, temples and grand old Portuguese villas. The night before I’d looked up how to get to the island and found that we had to take the ferry to Ribandar port. Unfortunately Google directed us to a port slightly before Ribandar, and not knowing any better, we took the wrong ferry and ended up in Chorão Island. We decided to make the most of it and drove around the island for a while. The island is lush, green and largely uninhabited. However, there are several churches and chapels dotting the greenery. The most significant one I spotted was the chapel for St. Teresa of Kolkata (Mother Teresa). A surprise find was The Yoga Institute, a swanky residential yoga centre. (Something to keep in mind for my next yoga retreat.)

Divar island proved to be a bit more eventful. We spent some time at Our Lady of Piety Church (Nossa Senhora de Piedade). The church and it’s adjacent graveyard lie atop a hill. The church was under renovation, so we spent some time walking around and taking in the panoramic view of the island from that vantage point. You can see the Mandovi river and the mangrove forests around it. You can also see a Hindu temple, with its distinct Goan architecture, close to the church.

Hindu temple from the hillock of Our Lady of Piety Church. you can see the Mandovi in the distance. Note the unique temple design.

Hindu temple from the hillock of Our Lady of Piety Church. you can see the Mandovi in the distance. Note the unique temple design.

After a sumptuous lunch at the Rock Inn Restaurant, we decided to head to the Koti Tirth Tali – an ancient site that used to be a significant pilgrimage point once upon a time. It is said that this used to be the Saptakoteshwara Temple, the kul devta of the Kadamba kings. It is now protected by the ASI. It was a peaceful place and we found the ancient architecture very beautiful. Just a little further down the road from the Koti Tirth Tali is a beautiful Shiva temple. When we visited it was calm and clean, and right on the banks of the Mandovi. We spent some time gazing at the beautiful lake surrounded by mangroves, and even spotted a snake swimming in the water!

All the islands in Goa are connected by ferries and I think it would be interesting to spend a day island hopping on a future trip.

CIPA – Center for Indo Portuguese Arts

We stumbled upon CIPA during a three-week stay in Goa during the second lockdown. The place had just opened up and we spent some time browsing through the 200-year old heritage building, looking at the books, the hand painted tiles and other art. We also spoke to Orlando, the owner who told us about the Portuguese connection and his work to keep the Portuguese heritage alive in Goa. Incidentally, he has learned the traditional art of tile painting in Portugal and can customise tiles on order.

Panjim.

On the way to CIPA.

We met Orlando again and just as we were about to leave he told us about the Serenate concert they were having in the evening. We ended up returning to CIPA that evening for an eventful night of music and homemade Portuguese snacks. Serenading was very common in Fontainhas, where a boy would attempt to woo a girl by singing outside her balcony in the night. If she appreciated the gesture him and his entourage might be invited inside for some snacks. The night was full of revelry as the musicians asked the audience to join in the music and even asked for requests from the crowd. This was the cultural aspect of Goa, and I feel this should be on everyone’s itinerary.

Mario de'Miranda

An illustration of serenading in Fontainhas by celebrated Goan artist Mario de’Miranda.

Below are a few images from our wonderful vacation.

Ferry to Chorao.

On the ferry to Chorao island – turned out to be the wrong ferry!

Ice cream therapy.

After a hot day of walking around – ice cream was indeed therapy.

Koti Tirth Tali

The ancient site of Koti Tirth Tali was too beautiful not to take a few yoga shots.

 

I realise I’ve written another ‘Off the Beaten Track’ blog before.  It’s about Coonoor and you can find it here.

Travels

Contextualising Yoga Day

June 22, 2023

The International Day of Yoga is now a part of our collective psyche.  As I prepped for my session for Suta this past weekend, I thought about how this came to be – how this practice which is our parampara came to be celebrated all over the world.  

Yoga has become omnipotent and so laying claim to it seems almost presumptuous.  But we aren’t laying claim to this ancient practice based on hearsay, or because a few yoga texts are in Sanskrit.  We lay claim to it because we have evidence of yoga existing in this region (present day India, Pakistan, Afghanistan) as far back as 2350-2000 BCE.  The Pashupati Seal was found in present day Mohenjo Daro.  Today it sits in the National Museum in Delhi.

Around 1500 BC we find a reference to yoga in the form of the Sanskrit root yuj in the Rig Veda.  The shloka which uses the word describes Indra yoking his horses and drawing them together.  The horses represent the rays of the sun, and when the rays of the sun are drawn back to the source, a dawn happens.  This dawn symbolises the dawn of enlightenment and knowledge.  The Bhagavad Gita is an important yogic text from this time, which gives definitions or descriptions of yoga, such as yogah karmasu kaushalam.  This period is considered the pre-classical period of yoga history.

And after this there is a lull of about 500 years and then some time between 500-400 BC Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras are published – arguably the most recognised yoga text today.  This text talks about the eight-limbed or ashtanga path of yoga and for practitioners today, drives home the point that yoga is not just asana.  This period is also called the classical period of yoga history.

After this we have what is known as the Modern Age of yoga.  T. Krishnamacharya is considered to be the Father of Modern Yoga, a befitting title as he is the teacher to stalwarts like BKS Iyengar, TKV Desikachar, Indra Devi, Pattabi Jois and AG Mohan.  Other notable teachers of this time are:

    • Swami Kuvalyananda – established Kaivalyadham in 1924.  
    • Swami Sivananda – established the Divine Life Society in 1936 and Sivananda Ashrams.
    • Shri Aurobindo – established Auroville near Pondicherry in 1926.
    • TKV Desikachar – established the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram in Chennai.
    • Maharishi Mahesh Yogi – founder of Transcendental Meditation
    • BKS Iyengar – founder of the Iyengar style of yoga.

 

The Story of the International Day of Yoga

So when Modi ji addressed the UN in Dec 2014, he came with this context.  And much in the ethos of yoga in his speech he spoke about three things:

  • He emphasised collective action.  Said developed countries must help the developing countries financially as well as technologically.  This reflects the Gita’s teaching of  yoga karmasu kaushalam which can be loosely translated as yoga is skill in action.
  • Next he spoke about India’s responsibility – that India will also participate in sharing our technologies and capabilities with the SAARC countries.  He cited examples of where India is already doing this.
  • Finally he spoke about the importance of mindful development.  He said that reckless consumption is not mandatory for development.  This is where he brought yoga in and said that if we change our lifestyle and cultivate mindfulness and consciousness, we can deal with the crisis of climate change.

A year later, on June 21, 2015, we celebrated the first International Day of Yoga. 

Yoga – An Intangible Cultural Heritage

In 2016 the Indian govt petitioned UNESCO to include yoga in the list of Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity.  Intangible cultural heritage are practices, expression, knowledge or skill – folklore, customs, beliefs, traditions and even languages.  This brought even more awareness to the place yoga holds in India’s culture and traditions.

The Relevance and Importance of Yoga for Us

During my MSc. a professor once spoke to us about the challenges humanity faces for survival.  Historically our biggest threats have been natural calamities such as floods, draught, famine, pandemics (cholera, Bubonic Plague, Black Death etc.) 

However, today humans are human beings’ biggest threat.  We lack of empathy & sympathy.  We criticise too much, accept too little.  There is too much conflict, too little tolerance.  Our collective mental health is at an all time low.

A resilient person is a person who has a strong mind and a strong body.  Through the practice of yoga we can become more resilient.  Yoga is a holistic solution to the issues and at the risk of sounding fanatical, I’d even say that yoga is important for us to survive as a species.

 

The amazing group who came from all corners of Bangalore to celebrate Yoga Day with us.

The amazing group who came from all corners of Bangalore to celebrate Yoga Day with us.

 

The Suta crew - who made the event seamless and fun.

The Suta crew – who made the event seamless and fun.

 

Travels

Two and a Half Days in Ho Chi Minh

May 18, 2023

Ho Chi Minh City is named after a former President of Vietnam, considered one of the most influential figures of the 20th century.  The city is the most populated city of Vietnam and has French colonial architecture everywhere.  The French buildings stand out and you can see them behind the facades of the new construction.

War Remnants Museum

Having spent some time in the US, I was aware of the Vietnam War and its importance in US history.  During this trip I understood the importance of the war for Vietnam.  Out of the three books I read in preparation for our holiday, two were about this war.  One was ‘Faith of Our Fathers‘ by John McCain and the other was ‘The Sorrow of War‘ by Bảo Nin.  So I was eager to visit this museum.  I’d recommend it to everyone.  It gives context, and gory details about the war.  There are photographs, army tanks and weaponry and even two foetuses inside a glass case (to show the impact of Agent Orange).  If you had just one day in Ho Chi Minh City – I’d suggest working this into your itinerary.

 

Memorial to Thích Quảng Đức

Thích Quảng Đức was a Buddhist monk who set himself on fire to protest the oppression of the Buddhists in South Vietnam, in 1963.  I’d read about this incident and seen the photo too, and a few days before our visit, I read that this happened in Ho Chi Minh City.  So we had to go.  This is a memorial not only to the monk, but a tribute to satya and ahimsa.  It’s not very crowded, because I think many tourists aren’t aware of this part of Saigon’s history.

A temple in honor of Thích Quảng Đức at the intersection where he self-immolated himself.

A temple in honor of Thích Quảng Đức at the intersection where he self-immolated himself.

This memorial has been constructed at the junction where the monk set himself on fire. You can walk around the statue and there is a wall that depicts the treatment of the Buddhists by the then Roman Catholic government behind this statue. There’s some incense that you can burn to pay your respects to the monk who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Majestic Hotel

I love dining at historical/legendary/iconic spaces.  I feel like you can really soak in the vibe, instead of just walking through it.  It’s like Koshy’s or the Airlines Hotel in Bangalore.  So when I heard that the Majestic Hotel was one of the oldest hotels and has the best view of the Saigon river, I decided we had to go.  The food was good, but I really liked their Saigon-themed cocktails.  I had a Happy Saigon.

Noodle soup at the Majestic Hotel.

It’s nice that you can eat largely healthy food in Ho Chi Minh City, and I love their soups! Plus because of the heat, you’re going to be drinking more than eating.

Happy Saigon.

Happy with my Happy Saigon and some friends!

Besides this we also at the 22z10 Bar, which had some great pizza.  The walking street was also fun, but very loud, so if that’s not your thing, then you can avoid it.  The egg coffee is great, but fills you up!  Ho Chi Minh City’s local market is called Ben Thanh Market, and it’s a great place to pick up souvenirs.

We’re all set to fly out from Ho Chi Minh City tomorrow afternoon.  But I’ve had a great time.  We’ve stuck to District 1, but there’s so much to do here and we didn’t feel we missed anything.

 

RIMYI Experiences

The Ultimate Surrender – Intersection of Yoga & Vedanta

May 10, 2023

The philosophy of yoga and Vedanta sometimes intersect, and I love spotting this overlap in different classes.

During the last RIMYI class I took, Raya spoke about letting go.  When we talk about letting go of something, there is an assumption that you’re holding on to something.  It’s important to analyse this something.  How are you holding on to it?  Why are you holding on to it?  Once we analyse it, can we let it go?

To make it relevant to the asana practice Raya asked us to ask ourselves what we were feeling in the asana we were holding (Uttanasana).  What were we truly feeling?  Were we feeling our hamstrings hurting, or was the back hurting, or were we holding the abdomen too tight?  When you can identify what you are holding – you can begin to let it go.  “I let go of my back, I let go of my abdomen, I let go of….”  He asked us to do the same in Sirsasana, but focus on mental conditions/conditionings. He asked: Can letting go be voluntary?  Can we actively let go?

He gave us the example of how he came across a ratty old t-shirt when he was cleaning his cupboard.  Everyone tells you to let go of this old tee that you don’t even use anymore, but you can’t.  We need to understand that it’s not the object that we can’t let go – it’s the memories associated with it that we’re unable to let go.

What are we actually holding on to?  Can we analyse that similar to how we analysed Uttansana?  Mentioning yoga sutra 1.11 he asked us to ponder over what is the role of memory and cleansing the memory.  Can we actively identify and do something about?  Letting go of an old t-shirt is easier than letting go of memories.  Memories can be good, troublesome, traumatic, ecstatic.  How do we deal with this baggage of memories and how does it impact us?  Can we let go of attachment to the memory?  Can we actively let go of sad memories?  Going into parsva sirsasana he asked us to contemplate looking at the memory from a different angle.

अनुभूतविषयासंप्रमोषः स्मृतिः PYS 1.11

Memory is the unmodified recollection of words and experiences.

 

He spoke about two sutras that he would frequently speak to Guruji about:

सुखानुशयी रागः PYS 2.7

Pleasure leads to desire and emotional attachment.

दुःखानुशयी द्वेषः PYS 2.8

Unhappiness leads to hatred.

A person with a sense of discrimination should strive a balance between sukha and dukha instead of living a the mercy of these two.  There are so many triggers in life today – we are all used to certain manners, ways and customs.  But can we let go of getting triggered?  Raya told us that  us to actively open our drawers and pull things out and look at everything that comes out and ask ourselves if we are using it.  Have we been keeping certain memories in the cupboard, maybe even in the freezer.  And even in the freezer have they become rotten and started stinking?  Can we actively bring these memories out,  clean them up and throw them away?

How do we throw these memories away?  By turning it from klista to aklista.

 

वृत्तयः पञ्चतय्यः क्लिष्टाक्लिष्टाः PYS 1.5

The movement of consciousness are fivefold.  They may be cognizable or non-cognizable, painful (klista) or non-painful (aklista).

The fact that it happened remains, but the feeling associated with it goes.  Raya also stressed that we all want happiness, but we remember the sad things more – happiness has a shorter shelf life.  Happiness is like camphor or mercury – you can’t hold it, it evaporates.

Next in Sarvangasana, Raya asked us to finally consider what we can let of of intellectually.  He spoke of fear and how we’re all fearful of something.  But some are able to face their fear because they have practiced handling this fear.  Practice analysing your fears and insecurities – once analysed can we let them go?  After giving daanam in a temple, we pour water over our hands symbolically ‘washing away’ our attachment with what we’ve given.  We need to let go of claiming things – ‘I’ did this, ‘I’ own this etc.  The most difficult thing is to let go of this claim.  After letting go of these claims, can I let go of the ‘I’ itself?

When one moves from the grossest to the subtlest, neither the beginning is seen nor the end.

My Vedanta teacher always stresses the importance of balance in life.  It is important for us to seek pleasure, but also to accept that pleasure and pain come together.  As seekers we are encouraged to go after our dreams and desires, but we need to remember that the result of our pursuit depends on many factors.  Therefore, we can’t be swayed by victory or defeat, sukham or dukham.  We should pursue life according to dharma, and with the best of our physical, emotional and intellectual intent.  And surrender the results, fruits, fear and even happiness to a higher purpose.

What is left to surrender when I have surrendered everything?

My teacher explained the idea of surrender using verse 18.66 of the Bhagawad Gita.

सर्वधर्मान्परित्यज्य मामेकं शरणं व्रज |
अहं त्वां सर्वपापेभ्यो मोक्षयिष्यामि मा शुच: ||

In this shloka Lord Krishna is asking Arjuna for the ultimate surrender – the surrender of the ‘I’ or the ego.  Letting go of the ‘I’ in all the claims that I make.  Once I have surrendered everything, I surrender the ‘I’ too.  And in that way I merge with the One, the universal consciousness.

 

At the Blue Temple, Chiang Rai.

At the Blue Temple, Chiang Rai.