The Fat Girl’s Pregnancy

The other day we went out for lunch with another pregnant couple we know, and as usual we took some photos after lunch.  The photos were amazing, what with Bangalore in full bloom.  But looking at them later I felt a twinge of discomfort.  My friend is further along than me and she barely looked pregnant.  In fact she was radiant, glowing and happy.  All I could think when I looked at myself was would I ever go back to what I looked like before?  Welcome to the trials and tribulations of the fat girl’s pregnancy.

One of the most read blogs on this site is this one where I write about my struggles with weight loss.  I’m surprised more women aren’t discussing this.  Pregnancy weight is different for women who used to be overweight.  The fat girl’s pregnancy isn’t an excuse to eat whatever she wants and get away with it.  Instead, we gingerly analyse every new bulge.  We know we’re not eating for two, and remember that with every morsel we eat.  We don’t bask in our ‘pregnancy glow’.

At every doctor’s checkup, the fat girl faces the weighing scale and feels a little unbalanced when the extra kgs are met with an approving smile. 

It’s about looking critically at our bumps and thinking why we look so huge as compared to the friend/celebrity/influencer who has the cutest bump but retains her chiseled face. 

It’s also about feeling uncomfortable in our clothes (and skin) but not wanting to get new ones for fear of having to live in them forever.

I’m in my 8th month now, and we’re successfully ‘march’-ING (get it?) towards the finishing line.  And not a day goes by when I don’t think when will I be back to ‘normal’ size?  What if I never lose this weight?  What if I’m the fat girl again and forever?

Unfortunately, there is no roadmap for how fat girls can silence the internal critic (which is their constant companion).  How do we lose the weight all over again, a painful ordeal we’ve been through once already?  

Monthly Catch-ups