Our goals form the blue print for our lives. As kids we think of growing up and becoming so and so. Once we become so and so our goals change to the kind of cars or houses we want. The kind of person we want to be with. More common goals are to lose 10 kgs before year end, learn how to swim, run a marathon, travel the world, complete a reading challenge.
My first ever goal in life was to be Nancy Drew when I grew up. As I grew up I became more laid back and wanted to spend all my time reading and writing. My only goal in life was to spend as much time as possible reading as many books as possible. I also wanted to write books for a living. I finally ended up writing code for a living and that period of my life is conspicuous by a total lack of goals to aspire to. Everyone else wanted promotions, raises, onsite trips. People were flaunting cars, homes and eligible marital prospects. One day I realized that if I didn’t start working out I would have nothing to wear since I had steadily outgrown many things in my closet. That led me to the gym and then to yoga class.
As with most yoga students my first goal was to touch my toes. I remember that I was elated when I first did that. Even more when I touched my forehead to my knee. Today I cringe at how bad my form was then. Lots of people want to do the headstand and handstand. Studying at RIMYI has made a lot of my goals accessible to me (Kurmasana for one).
As an Intermediate 2 practitioner you are expected to be comfortable in many variations of sirsasana. You’re upside down in all classes (unless you’re menstruating), so headbalancing is crucial for an Iyengar practitioner. There are bound to be many who topple over or come down for a little break. When this happens you hear everything from ‘Shouldn’t have had so many modaks’ to ‘You call yourself teachers!!!’ to ‘In Intermediate 2 for so long and still not able to sustain?!’ Usually accompanied by a barrage of Marathi.
When I was here last year I used to fantasize about holding the headstand for 10 minutes. I knew that was a prerequisite for the next level. I’d heard of classes where students have been upside down for 20 minutes at a stretch. All of last month I’ve worked on steadily increasing the amount of time I stay up. I started with 5 minutes and then held it for 8 minutes for a while. Then this morning I decided to be a little more adventurous and see if I could hold on for 10 minutes. And I did!!!
Needless to say, it felt amazing!!! Achieving these goals only prove that with only a little bit of discipline and smart work you are closer to your goals than you think. Even goals that are mere fantasies for you right now.
Aga Khan Palace
I’m staying at the same place I stayed in last time. For some reason, ever since I got here, I’ve been unable to get a restful sleep. When you spend a lot of time upside down during the day, you just feel like crawling into bed. There have been times when I felt like I should sleep during the day, but strangely, I wouldn’t be able to! Then one day while walking home after a super long self-practice session, I realized what was happening. The backbends that I have been practicing daily are the culprits. I’ve observed that whenever I practice backbends, I am an emotional wreck for a while. It’s not something that I can distract myself from with inane stuff on Netflix. It’s a bit more serious. And it happens to a lot of other people as well. When you bend backward, your emotional centre is exposed and open. Sometimes this causes the flood gates to open. You remember insignificant things and start to feel bad about them. Or events that you thought you’d already dealt with come to the fore and you realise that things aren’t ok. It’s a barrage of emotion that erupt and possess you and bring you to tears. But if it’s an emotional detox, then it’s probably good to get this stuff out of your system to clean up your space. So despite the fact that I absolutely dread backbends, I keep pushing through. I figure that once I’m done purging all this emotion I’ll be able to sleep better. At least I hope so. Time will tell.
